Text

This is a collection of stuff I've written. Enjoy :)

Vanishing Teeth

Hello, and welcome to 'The Magic of Everyday Illusions'. Today we'll be examining the phenomenon of vanishing teeth. Perhaps you've seen this trick performed by a travelling gypsy, a professional magician or the local barman. No matter what the setting, you've most certainly been stunned and amazed by this feat of conjuring. Read on ...

Bloodhead
Correct Bathroom Procedures
The Dinner Party Fuckwit
Elbows
Free Hardware
Goals
Hash Browns
Palsy Alligators
Pants off, it's summer!
Slippers
Tennis Racquet
Wishy Washy Mice

Drama
The Diary of Anne_Frank@hotmail.com
TIM SAYS NYM

Nonsense Verse

Carousel Worms

I caught the fun fair carousel
It didn't take me far
Just went around in circles
And left my stomach charred.

Read more nonsense ...

I'm selling my lobes. Ears, then frontal.

ASCII art

Goldfish

Porcupines

Mudskippers

   _._._._._.__vvv
    / | | | | o^^^    Pirahna fillet.   
      | | | |

If you like ASCII tractors, and who doesn't, then check out Tractorgen:

I propose that we replace the world's TVs with vegetable plots. Not only will it protect our children from violence, but they'll learn by watching the vegetables growing for hours each day.

Read more radical insights ...