Wed Jun 2 1999

The Underwear FIFO

Introducing a new product from Kbert Industries ...

Do You:

Wash irregularly?
Never have a clean pair of undies?
Spend hours every week sorting through dirty washing, trying to find your CLEANEST underwear?

FRET NO LONGER ! ! !

Kbert Industries is here to help you, with a revolutionary new product, The Underwear FIFO. Built on principles of modern computer technology, The Underwear FIFO is your space-age answer to never having a clean-enough pair of daks!

Here's how it works:

Each night*, you insert your worn underwear into the DIRTY end of the patented Kbert Industries PVC Techno-Tube. The next morning, go to the CLEAN end of the Techno-Tube to retrieve your FRESH pair of least-whiffy underwear.

Let's see this in action:

The operational core, or Central Processing Unit (CPU) as we like to call it, of the Underwear FIFO is the patented Kbert Industries PVC Techno-Tube. The Techno-Tube harnesses the logical processing that allows the Underwear FIFO to do its work, time after time after time.


      Insert dirty
  underwear this end                    TECHNO-TUBE (tm)
    |                                        |
    |      ----------------------------------V---------------
    +-->  Y  Y  Y  Y  Y  Y  Y  Y  Y  Y  Y  Y  Y  Y  Y  Y  Y  --->
           --------------------------------------------------     ^
                                                                  |
                                                         Retrieve clean
       THE UNDERWEAR FIFO                              underwear this end.
         in operation!!

Accept no substitute, this is not a gimmick! The Underwear FIFO really works!

The Underwear FIFO has numerous advantages over other schemes (such as 'LRU selection with Inversion' and 'The Random Heap in the corner'):

Never wear the same pair too often! Each garment is given equal time to 'mature'.
Never whiff-test again!

And when it finally comes time to wash your clothes, rest assured that The Underwear FIFO has given each item its fair wearing. Don't waste time washing hardly-worn undies ever again!!

The Underwear FIFO from Kbert Industries.

and coming soon:

The all-new VENTILATED Techno-Tube!
Priority queuing for those nights on the Guinness, or when you've had too much vindaloo!
Dynamically Allocated Underwear!

*: Whatever